sinking. in.

okay, i hope i don't bore everyone to tears with my red hair talk. but it's on my mind (badda bam! bad pun) and as i said before, it's going to take some getting used to.

(for me, anyway. maybe not for cam, who told me exactly when he had gotten used to it, and i swear not five minutes had passed)

thankfully, the following things ensued this weekend:

1. chris informed me that my hair was "the talk of the office" on friday (in a good way). he claims everyone loved it. he was even nice enough to pick out the closest pantone swatch color (PMS#1810) so he could blog about it. since i had a really hard time showing my face at work on friday, this was a major breakthrough. phew!
2. conor repeatedly tells me he loves it. he also told me several times that he likes it better, and that i shouldn't change it back. not sure i totally agree, but, second phew.
3. catfoo loves it. the word she used was 'mesmerizing' (which personally, i think, is a great word). triple phew.
4. someone actually said i looked like julianne moore without being prompted by me. major props! quadruple phew!

but for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. which means that unfortunately, the following things also ensued this weekend:

1. i woke up in a panic friday night. oh no! it's permanant! what have i done! what have i done!?!?! gulp.
2. i went shopping, in an attempt to find a shirt (or two) or a sweater (or something) that i felt neutralized my hair color. i came out empty-handed. i also lost half my nerve and most of my self confidence somewhere in those racks of clothing. double gulp.
3. i broke down crying to conor on our way home from a bar last night. the same bar i lost my cell phone in and had to go back to to retrieve today. but the tragic point is not about the missing cellphone (which was a giant pain in my ass), the point is that around 11:30 last night, i was out in front of my apartment, uncontrollably crying about my hair. unprompted. unsolicited. how lame is that? triple gulp.

so here's my analysis of the situation:

1. thank you, conor, for being really cool.
2. it's only hair. people dye their hair all the time. what's new for me is old news for millions of others. i need to stop making this out to be more special or more unique than it really is.
2. even though i might be scared, i know i could pay good money to undo it. and i'm not going to do that. i'm sticking this out. i made the choice, and so far i'm the only person who seems to dislike the final outcome...

its kind of like when i moved to san francisco last year and said i had one year to decided if i liked living here or not. my breakthrough was in month 7, and now i think this place is great. hopefully it won't take me 7 months to get used to red hair (or else i'll have some really nasty roots), but you get my point. time.

3. it's fall! the leaves have changed, apples are on the trees (at least, i'm imagining this is the case in new england... living in san francisco is like living in alaska during that period of perpetual light - you never know what time (of the year) it is). anyways, i figure, why shouldn't i exude autumness, too? warm hues. red wine. cranberries. mmm.
4. i decided to steal cynthia's olive green cashmere sweater until i find a suitably similar one of my own. this new 'awareness' of my color palate is a little more than i can chew at the moment. sorry, cyn, i hope ya don't mind. wink.
5. at least i don't have to look at myself! if i avoid the mirrors, will i ever know the difference?