my pants don't fit
i have a thing for pants that don't fit me. two years ago, i bought this pair of jeans that were two or three sizes too big. i had to buy a belt in order to wear these jeans, but i didn't buy the belt right away. oh no. first, i felt compelled to wear The-Jeans-That-Don't-Fit for weeks, while they hung weakly off my hips. the cuffs dragged across the ground and got covered in dirt and torn up by my shoes and the constant brush of the ground. i thought i was pretty cool.
well, after wearing The-Jeans-That-Don't-Fit once or twice, they stretched out and got even bigger and fit me even less. the waist pulled across my ass everytime i bent over, which would tug and stretch the jeans until they eventually started to slide really really REALLY low on my hips. abnormally low, even for a pair of Jeans-That-Don't-Fit. they started to reveal my underwear (a lot of my underwear) which still didn't mean i needed a belt. oh no. it meant that i had to buy new underwear -- underwear with interesting waistbands and cute designs -- so that when i bent over and stood up again (at which point the pants were sitting far below my actual hip), for that brief moment before i hiked the jeans back up to an acceptable hip-position, i looked cool in my supercool underwear. life is all about supercool underwear.
the problem with a belt, as i see it, is that it makes your waistline too heavy and bulky. the thing i like about big pants is that they don't sit anywhere near my actual waist.
well, first i realized i was showing way too much underwear for a 23 year old. and second, people like brian and hillary started to tease me and call me a gangster. okay, i'm no gangsta even if i'm proud of the fact that i can sing a little dre. so eventually i bought a belt. but then i stopped wearing The-Jeans-That-Don't-Fit because, as i just told you, it ruined the effect of having big pants that ride low on my hips and avoid any attention to the waist. that, and The-Jeans-That-Don't-Fit were so big that the belt made them bunch up in little cinches around my waist. nevermind that without the belt i could hardly walk and nevermind that people really don't want to see my undies, no matter how supercool they are.
well okay so The-Jeans-That-Don't-Fit are back now, i just found them in the bottom of my drawer. and i like them with a belt now (???). i can't believe i almost threw these jeans out. just thinking such a thought is painfully wretched.
anyways, the whole point of telling you about why i love pants that are too big is because i recently acquired a pair of great linen pants that are also too big. and although i think they're swell, conor likes to tease me because they're kind of long. the cuffs get dragged in the dirt and torn and stepped on. but that's okay by me. i like it. the best thing about these linen pants -- and why they are superior to The-Jeans-That-Don't-Fit -- is that they are cut in such a way that they ride low but don't require a belt. no belt! yahoo! AND, they don't reveal any underwear. which means i can wear them to work -- i just have to find a shirt that is long enough to cover my tummy.
if there is something i hate as much as i love pants that are too big, it's shirts that are too short. i don't want the whole world to see my bellybutton. cute underwear, i can handle that. belly buttons... not so good.
but that, my dear friends, is a whole other tirade, that i'll save for another night.
well, after wearing The-Jeans-That-Don't-Fit once or twice, they stretched out and got even bigger and fit me even less. the waist pulled across my ass everytime i bent over, which would tug and stretch the jeans until they eventually started to slide really really REALLY low on my hips. abnormally low, even for a pair of Jeans-That-Don't-Fit. they started to reveal my underwear (a lot of my underwear) which still didn't mean i needed a belt. oh no. it meant that i had to buy new underwear -- underwear with interesting waistbands and cute designs -- so that when i bent over and stood up again (at which point the pants were sitting far below my actual hip), for that brief moment before i hiked the jeans back up to an acceptable hip-position, i looked cool in my supercool underwear. life is all about supercool underwear.
the problem with a belt, as i see it, is that it makes your waistline too heavy and bulky. the thing i like about big pants is that they don't sit anywhere near my actual waist.
well, first i realized i was showing way too much underwear for a 23 year old. and second, people like brian and hillary started to tease me and call me a gangster. okay, i'm no gangsta even if i'm proud of the fact that i can sing a little dre. so eventually i bought a belt. but then i stopped wearing The-Jeans-That-Don't-Fit because, as i just told you, it ruined the effect of having big pants that ride low on my hips and avoid any attention to the waist. that, and The-Jeans-That-Don't-Fit were so big that the belt made them bunch up in little cinches around my waist. nevermind that without the belt i could hardly walk and nevermind that people really don't want to see my undies, no matter how supercool they are.
well okay so The-Jeans-That-Don't-Fit are back now, i just found them in the bottom of my drawer. and i like them with a belt now (???). i can't believe i almost threw these jeans out. just thinking such a thought is painfully wretched.
anyways, the whole point of telling you about why i love pants that are too big is because i recently acquired a pair of great linen pants that are also too big. and although i think they're swell, conor likes to tease me because they're kind of long. the cuffs get dragged in the dirt and torn and stepped on. but that's okay by me. i like it. the best thing about these linen pants -- and why they are superior to The-Jeans-That-Don't-Fit -- is that they are cut in such a way that they ride low but don't require a belt. no belt! yahoo! AND, they don't reveal any underwear. which means i can wear them to work -- i just have to find a shirt that is long enough to cover my tummy.
if there is something i hate as much as i love pants that are too big, it's shirts that are too short. i don't want the whole world to see my bellybutton. cute underwear, i can handle that. belly buttons... not so good.
but that, my dear friends, is a whole other tirade, that i'll save for another night.
posted by megan at
11:43:00 PM
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