it's not the mambo, it's a feeling. a heartbeat.
weather: dark (it's night), and windy (still). 60 degrees?
i keep wondering when i get to make my "coming of age" movie. i think there would be a lot of dancing in it, like i'm jennifer grey but without the frizzy hair. there would be a lot of sweat (mostly from the dancing), and a lot of crying (because i always seem to cry -- ever since fourth grade when i forgot to cover one of my textbooks. the tears started that day, and never really stopped).
there would have to be one really great shot of my collar bones, and at least one scene where i'm running uncontrollably down a street, probably at dusk, probably really angry. but then at some moment the dancing would start back up, with fantastically upbeat music and bright colors and sensual fabrics flowing around, and lots of dipping and jumping and kicks. someone would have to throw me up in the air (because that looks really fun), and i'll skip the whole watermelon scene. we can keep that part where "johnny" and i have to balance on a log over a creek in the rain.
i keep thinking i should have "come of age" already. but every time i decide i'm ready to be, you know, "of age" (or whatever One is, once One has "come of age"), i just end up feeling like i'm more childish than i ever was before. so i have to wonder if maybe i'm foolish, thinking i'll ever grow up. or maybe i already DID grow up and just missed it?
perhaps it's that my approach is all wrong. perhaps it's time to take the reins into my own hands, and stop worrying about it. cuz' i'm getting kind of sick of these ups and downs, of waking up in the morning with puffy eyes and blotchy cheeks and thinking, okay, well, same old shit. perpetually Baby.
i keep wondering when i get to make my "coming of age" movie. i think there would be a lot of dancing in it, like i'm jennifer grey but without the frizzy hair. there would be a lot of sweat (mostly from the dancing), and a lot of crying (because i always seem to cry -- ever since fourth grade when i forgot to cover one of my textbooks. the tears started that day, and never really stopped).
there would have to be one really great shot of my collar bones, and at least one scene where i'm running uncontrollably down a street, probably at dusk, probably really angry. but then at some moment the dancing would start back up, with fantastically upbeat music and bright colors and sensual fabrics flowing around, and lots of dipping and jumping and kicks. someone would have to throw me up in the air (because that looks really fun), and i'll skip the whole watermelon scene. we can keep that part where "johnny" and i have to balance on a log over a creek in the rain.
i keep thinking i should have "come of age" already. but every time i decide i'm ready to be, you know, "of age" (or whatever One is, once One has "come of age"), i just end up feeling like i'm more childish than i ever was before. so i have to wonder if maybe i'm foolish, thinking i'll ever grow up. or maybe i already DID grow up and just missed it?
perhaps it's that my approach is all wrong. perhaps it's time to take the reins into my own hands, and stop worrying about it. cuz' i'm getting kind of sick of these ups and downs, of waking up in the morning with puffy eyes and blotchy cheeks and thinking, okay, well, same old shit. perpetually Baby.
posted by megan at
12:06:00 AM
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